Empathy is the ability to step into the shoes of another person. When we empathize, we imagine their feelings and perspectives and use that understanding to thoughtfully guide our responses. Empathy is also related to dignity -- because empathy is a natural response once we recognize a person’s inherent worth as a human being. Children’s book author Anna Dewdney offers this wonderful definition: “Empathy is an understanding that other people have feelings, and that those feelings count.” Or as researcher and author Brene Brown writes, “Empathy is communicating that incredibly healing message ‘You are not alone.’”
Classically, empathy is that “golden mean” between indifference (not enough empathy) and internalizing the emotions of others in unhealthy ways. Think of social contagion, where fear, anxiety, or anger spreads rapidly and unreflectively within a social group. While empathy does ask us to hear and honor the perspective of others, it does not require us to absorb their emotions/perspectives and make them our own. Empathy allows us to support others without becoming overwhelmed or paralyzed -- when we “over-empathize” we may swing back toward “indifference” in order to protect ourselves emotionally.
“Ask them, ‘What are some strategies that might help you? You are struggling with something that feels big and difficult — so how do we break this down? What’s one step you can take? Support them as they look for solutions that are meaningful to them.” David encapsulates the essence of this support in three words: “I see you” — your emotions, your ideas, your strengths, your struggles, and your dreams.
“Every single one of us wants to be seen. For me, ‘I see you’ means creating a space in your heart and in your home or classroom where [a child] is seen. When children and adolescents are very upset, literally just the presence of a loving person helps to de-escalate and creates the space where calm is invited in.”