In the bustle of the holiday season, here are a few good reads to help remind us of what matters most in raising kids and teens.

Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids and Start Raising Kind Ones

In this Atlantic article, Adam and Allison Grant write, "Kids learn what’s important to adults not by listening to what we say, but by noticing what gets our attention. And in many developed societies, parents now pay more attention to individual achievement and happiness than anything else. However much we praise kindness and caring, we’re not actually showing our kids that we value these traits."

The Power of Family Story

From the LifeCompass Blog archives, enjoy this piece from Dr. Karen Bohlin on why family stories build resilience: "As I think back on some of the more difficult moments in my family, I remember my brothers saying, what would Grandma Bohlin do? How would she respond? Her story is a critical part of who we are individually and as a family." 

Is Your Child Ready for a Cellphone? Look for These Independence Milestones.

Are you thinking about getting your child or teen a cellphone for Christmas? When is the right time for kids to get a phone? The wise Devorah Heitner poses these 5 reflection questions for parents -- and they good questions to ask yourself even if our child already has a phone:

• • Do you have time for mentoring? 
  • Can they focus in the face of distraction? 
  • Does your child exhibit good judgment?
  • How does your child manage social relationships? 
  • Does your child know when to ask for help?

How to Talk to Kids About Honesty

In my PBS column this month, I am talking about honesty -- and how to help younger kids navigate the big feelings that make lying so tempting: "We can bring more compassion and understanding to a situation if we take the time to understand why our child isn’t telling the truth. For many children, the why is often driven by avoidance. Kids worry that sharing the truth will result in unpleasant consequences, so it feels easier to hide the truth — either by lying or saying nothing at all . . . We can reframe honesty as an act of courage: “It’s really brave to tell the truth,” I often tell my kids, “and I will always be here to help no matter what. When you tell me what happened, I can help you.”

Help Your Child Cope With Holiday Social Stress

If you have young children, read this advice from Claire Lerner about four ways to avoid holiday meltdowns. Here's #4 on her list: "Set appropriate limits. If your child gets really overwhelmed and is hurting others with his words or his body to keep people away, it is important to set a limit, and provide children with a safe space to calm down. You can say something like: 'I know it’s uncomfortable to have new people in the house and a lot of commotion, but it’s not okay to use our bodies or our words in hurtful ways. If you are having a hard time, we can find you a safe space until you’re ready to join us. If you want to try to stay at the party, I can be a helper.'"

Want a good holiday read aloud? Try one of these:

10 Favorite Holiday Picture Books (beautiful books from multiple faith traditions)

Heartwarming Christmas Books for Kids