In his TED Talk “Want to be Happy? Be Grateful,” Benedictine scholar and monk Brother David Steindl-Rast says that “it’s not that happy people are grateful, but rather that grateful people are happy.” Modern social science research bears this out: expressing gratitude increases our feelings of joy and well-being. According to a review of gratitude research in a Harvard Health letter, “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

Classically, gratitude is on the scale between ingratitude/entitlement (not recognizing the gifts given to us) and obsequiousness (fawning over someone in order to gain favor -- not because you feel authentically grateful). Gratitude, when expressed freely, can positively influence both the person offering thanks and the person receiving it.

Here are a few tips to help you build a culture of gratitude in your family

• Tip 1 - Share “Three Blessings” as a Family: A study out of the University of Pennsylvania found that journaling three good things that happen to every day for a week resulted in an increased sense of well-being for participants. As a family, pick a time each week where everyone shares three good things that happened -- three moments of gratitude from big things (winning a game or a loved one who has recovered from an illness) to small things (a yummy breakfast, a beautiful sunset, or a funny joke that made them smile).

• Tip 2 - Express Thanks: Look for ways to express thanks this month, as a family. Write (and send) a letter to someone who made a difference. Thank a teacher or coach who has put in extra time to support your family. Call a relative who might need a boost. Bring “thank you” treats to neighbors or community helpers who have made a difference to your family this year. Your kids will feel different after engaging in these activities -- expressing gratitude is emotionally and spiritually powerful . . . for you and for the recipient of your thanksgiving.

• Tip 3 - Share Your Stories:  According to one study, children who hear stories about how family members and ancestors overcame obstacles are more resilient in the face of challenges. So share your stories and your family’s stories with your daughters. Why are you grateful for challenges that you faced? How did it shape you? Who helped you? What unexpected blessings helped see you through?

For Parents of Young Children

Gratitude is a concept even preschoolers can understand, as they express joy and say thank you to the people in their life who help them. Those of you with younger children might also enjoy these two articles from PBS Parents, written by LifeCompass Associate Director Deborah Farmer Kris:

• “Raising Grateful Kids: Why Giving Thanks Is Good for the Soul”
• “Picture Books to Help You Slow Down and Say Thanks”